Hurry, this one won't last. The The untimely passing of an artistic genius has made this edgy, luxurious, art-deco piece of real estate available for rent. It has no amenities, no heat, no AC, no running water, no electricity, and no bathroom. However, you'll be the hippest hipster in these new digs.The views of the dried up pool and grafitti are spectacular and you'll be so close to the park that an occasional kickball might even hit your front door. Conveniently close to the L and G trains for trips to Union Square, and to dozens of latte shops, Thai restaurants and second hand clothing stores. Asking: $2800 per month. Parents credit check required, smoking permitted. Pets OK. Non-cultured people NOT OK.

Hide and Seek Champion wins again but loses.

Dead Hipster Found In Shed. - NY Sun

Dead Hipster Found - 1010 Wins

Decomposed Hipster Found

                                                           

"Waaaaaaaah Waaaaaaah! Where will I be able to sit all day now, sipping on my 4 dollar, 15 syllable beverage showing off my hipster uniform while I play on my Mac looking important?"

The good news: 10 less places for hipsters to sit. One is in Brooklyn. (hooray)

The bad news: Still 225 left.

Don't get me wrong. I've had Starbucks quite a few times, but can definitely live with out it, and so can you! What I love about Starbucks is ordering a small coffee right behind someone who ordered a 15+ syllable coffee. That person sometimes looks at me with that "you don't know shit about coffee" stare. The "barista" sometimes says " you mean tall, right?".  Fucking zombies. Maybe now some local places that sell coffee will make a few extra bucks.

It would be great if someone opened up a coffee shop in place of every Starbucks closing and had a big sign that said "You must say small, medium, or large and your computers will not work in here."

New York Times: Starbucks closing 10 stores.

         

I went to the Billy Joel (2nd to last) show last night at Shea. Not a fucking hipster in sight. It was great. It was also great to see 50,000 New Yorkers and non-New Yorkers (who act normal) celebrating his music, the Beatles music, and New York in general.
 
It really makes you wonder how a 20 or 30 something year old person can celebrate a no-name garage or loft band in a sweaty vomit and urine drenched dive bar or venue and swear that they are keen on the music scene. Those bands will never fill a stadium but hey, they don't want to right? Yeah, you're so cool. Now get the fuck out of here already.

         


Hey kids!

I mean, hey 20 - 40 year old transplanted pseudo bohemian talentless un-original douchebags! How do these summertime activities sound to you? Squirrel Fishing! Freeze Tag! Buttboxing! Friendship Bracelet Making! And the all mighty Kickball!

Well, unfortunately you're going to have to go back to Portland, Oregon for that and I hope you do.

Thanks to a reader who e-mailed me and said "I love your blog. I fled Portland earlier this year for all the reasons you write about." The reader sent me this link to a Portland website announcing the opening of an Adult Summer Camp. I swear if this shit comes to New York this or any other summer in the future, and I see 30 year olds playing freeze tag or squirrel fishing I'm going to walk up and piss on you. Actually, I'm going to get a lot of people to walk up and piss on you.

Don't you self proclaimed artists who are still supported on Daddy's dime or huddle together like rats in a loft see that you've displaced thousands of hard working New Yorkers just so you can come here to paint, play, party, and look cool? Or whatever other meaningless things you do? Yeah I'm talking to you "Mr. HTML Coder"," Ms. Ride my vintage bike to the latte store all day", "Mr. Progressive Rock DJ", "Ms. Big Glasses Short Bangs performance artist".

Anyway here is the actual Adult Camp summer schedule:

***Take notice of how they will be "badasses" on Aug.16th and how they will play every sport known to man (excluding baseball, football, soccer, and basketball) on Aug 30th***



July 5: Yarn Craft – make friendship bracelets, kites, gods eyes and other yarn trinkets

July 19: Tour de Oregon City – a bike ride that loops around Portland, Sellwood, Milwaukee, Oregon City and back

August 2: Skate or Die Trying – Skateboarding! “No roller blades allowed, long boards are kind-of welcomed.” Kind of skater-snobby, but we can deal.

August 16: Public Art Knights – “Spray paint, tag, wheat paste and other fun stuff all around town in the dark dodging the cops.” Pretty darn sure that’s illegal. But also pretty darn sure it’s badass.

August 30: All Sports (Park Edition) – Play every sport known to man! Like Archery, Horseshoes, Kickball, Freeze Tag, Tree Climbing, Badminton, Squirrel Fishing, Freestyle Yoga and Butt Boxing to name a few.

This is an entry from a website called HIPSTERHUNTER.COM that crusades against douchebag hipsters on the West Coast. It's a lot funnier if you ever watched the show Dexter on ShowTime. Visit the site, there's tons of pictures and pretension.


                 

"Everyone’s favorite Miami serial killer has a hipster cousin.  Sure Baxter looks like your typical dude downing PBR cans in the alley behind his favorite indie-rock joint, but he’s got his own dark passenger.  Baxter has already rid the city of thirteen bands who suck and are tainting the scene.  To the shitty bands out there...quit while you still have a head."

...won't you please give this seat up to a hard working, culture creating, rent raising, transplanted artist or musician?

Thanks to the person who left this link in the comments section. Read this NYMag.com article and see how it relates to my last post. He (Joel) jumps from San Fran, to LA, to NYC, probably working in coffee shops, record stores, etc, claiming to be a musician. There's no mention of his parents financially supporting, or helping him in between bullshit jobs and gigs, but it's safe to say they are. You can see it in their faces. Hey Jann, why don't you tell all your friends at your knitting club to send their precious little Megans over to Bushwick for a year or two. Hey Jay, tomorrow, on the 16th hole, why don't you tell all your buddies to ship their Josh's and Zach's over to Greenpoint so us New Yorkers can finally get a taste of some up and coming progressive indie music. We are really lacking in culture over here. We need more of your 20-30 year old, liberal arts degree holding, super fashionable, ironically talented children to brighten up our city and show us how to be cool. I hear some apartments opened up in SSW Williamsburg and NNE Bushwick.

Click here for the NY Mag Article.

                                              

Josh: <ring ring>

Dad: Hello?

Josh: Hey Dad, Happy Father's Day

Dad: Why thank you son! So how's New York Josh?

Josh: It's super, Dad. This girl I met knows this other girl from Michigan who knows this guy
from Ohio who has a cousin from Minnesota who might be able to sign my band on to this
indie label. I'll tell you, its a tough living. I'm roughing it Dad.

Dad: Joshy! That's great news! I'm sorry I doubted your artistic ability and didn't think you'd
fit in New York City.

Josh: No worries Dad. Like I said, Happy Father's Day.

Dad: Aw, Joshy. I'll tell you what tiger. I'm going to send you another years rent tomorrow.
How does that sound, my future rock star? Goooooooo Brooklyn!

Josh: Ok great Dad! See you on Thanksgiving!

                                                  


Thanks to fan Mike T. for emailing me this story.

Do most Harvard graduates move to Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, and roomate with poseur DJ's and get locked in bars accidentally overnight?

Probably not, but this hipster did. Meet Kyle Hausmann, a paralegal who just loves the out of place North Brooklyn bar and lounge scene. Yeah baby! Kyle got so plastered that he went to the bathroom at 4:30am, fell asleep, and ended up getting locked in until one of the owners came in the following morning.

He didn't panic as this was probably just a publicity stunt or he just wanted to tell a good story to all his Joshes back home to entice them to come to his recently discovered great new borough of Brooklyn. Anyway, after checking all the doors, which were locked, he did the obvious thing that anybody would do. No, not call 911.....he took out his trusty internet ready phone and Googled: "what to do if you get locked in a bar". To his surprise, there were no answers.

Congrats Kyle, you got a good education, you moved to Bed-Stuy, displaced a family by having Daddy triple pay for rent, got locked in a bar (every hipsters dream), made the New York Times and made Brooklyn a better place for all!

Here is the link to the New York Times Story:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/09/nyregion/09bar.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss%3Cbr%20/%3E&oref=slogin

 If you have 22 minutes to spare, and I know you do, then please watch this King of the Hill episode on gentrification. It nails the whole hipster thing right on the head for the most part.  I don't watch this show but I definitely liked this episode. Watch how they rid their town of hipsters. Maybe we should do the same thing here?

WATCH THE KING OF THE HILL EPISODE HERE